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ht club. You aren't your name. You aren't your family. Number three seems to know what I need and holds my head in the dark and the smother. There's a sleeper hold that gives you just enough air to stay awake. Number three holds my head in the crook of his arm, the way he'd hold a baby or a football, in the crook of his arm, and hammers my face with the pounding molar of his clenched fist. Until my teeth bite through the inside of my cheek. Until the hole in my cheek meets the corner of my mouth, the two run together into a ragged leer that opens from under my nose to under my ear. Number three pounds until his fist is raw. Until I'm crying. How everything you еврейские знакомства love will reject you or die. Everything you ever create will be thrown away. Everything you're proud of will end up as trash. I am Ozymandias, king of kings. One more punch and my teeth click shut on my tongue. Half of my tongue drops to the floor and gets kicked away. The little figurine of Mrs. Patrick Madden knelt on the floor еврейские знакомства to the body of her husband, the rich people, the people they called friends, towering drunk around her and laughing. The wife, she said, "Patrick. " еврейские знакомства The pool of blood spreading wider and wider until it touches her skirt. She says, "Patrick, that's enough, stop being dead. " The blood climbs the hem of her skirt, capillary action, thread to thread, climbing her skirt. Around me the men of Project Mayhem are screaming. Then Mrs. Patrick Madden is screaming. And in the basement of the Armory Bar, Tyler Durden slips to the floor in a warm jumble. Tyler Durden the great, who was perfect for one moment, and еврейские знакомства who said that a moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. And the fight goes on and on because I want to be dead. Because only in death do we have names. Only in death are we no longer part of Project Mayhem. Chapter 25 TYLER'S STANDING THERE, perfectly еврейские знакомства and an angel in his everything-blond way. My will to live amazes me. Me, I'm a bloody tissue sample dried on a bare mattress in my room at the Paper Street Soap Company. Everything in my room is gone. My mirror with a picture of my foot from when I had cancer for ten minutes. Worse than cancer. The mirror is gone. The closet door is open and my six white shirts, black pants, underwear, socks, and shoes are gone. Tyler says, "Get up. " Under and behind and inside everything I took for granted, something horrible has been growing. Everything has fallen apart. The space monkeys are cleared out. Everything is relocated, the liposuction fat, the bunk beds, the money, especially the money. Only the garden is left behind, and the rented house. Tyler says, "The last thing we have to do is your martyrdom thing. Your big death thing. " Not like death as a sad, downer thing, this was going to be death as a cheery, empowering thing. Oh, Tyler, I hurt. Just kill me here. "Get up. " Kill me, already. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. "It has to be big," Tyler says. "Picture this: you on top of the world's tallest building, the whole building taken over by Project Mayhem. Smoke rolling out the windows. Desks falling into the crowds on the street. A real opera of a death, that's what you're going to get. " I say, no. You've used me enough. "If you don't cooperate, we'll go after Marla. " I say, lead еврейские знакомства way. "Now get the fuck out of bed," Tyler said, "and get your ass into the fucking car. " So Tyler and I are up еврейские знакомства top of the Parker-Morris Building with the gun stuck in my mouth. We're down to our last ten minutes. The Parker-Morris Building won't be here in ten minutes. I know this because Tyler knows this. The еврейские знакомства of the gun pressed against the back of my throat, Tyler says, "We won't really die. " I tongue the gun barrel into my surviving cheek and say, Tyler, you're thinking of vampires. We're down to our last eight minutes. еврейские знакомства gun is just in case the police helicopters еврейские знакомства here sooner. To God, this looks еврейские знакомства one man смотреть онлайн секс знакомства holding a gun in his own mouth, but it's Tyler holding the gun, and it's my life. You take a 98-percent concentration of fuming nitric acid and add the acid to three times that amount of sulfuric acid. You have nitroglycerin. Seven minutes. Mix the vitro with sawdust, and you еврейские знакомства have a nice plastic explosive. A lot of the space monkeys mix their vitro with cotton and еврейские знакомства Epsom salts as a sulfate. This works, too. Some monkeys, they use paraffin mixed with vitro. Paraffin has never, ever worked for me. Four minutes. еврейские знакомства and me at the edge of the roof, the gun in my mouth, I'm wondering how clean this gun is. Three minutes. Then somebody yells. "Wait," and it's Marla coming toward us across еврейские знакомства roof. Marla's coming toward me, just me because Tyler's gone. еврейские знакомства Tyler's my hallucination, not hers. Fast as a magic trick, Tyler's disappeared. And now I'm just one man holding a gun in my mouth. "We followed you," Marla yells. "All the people from the support group. You don't have to do this. Put the gun down. " Behind Marla, all the bowel cancers, the brain parasites, the melanoma people, the tuberculosis people are walking, limping, wheelchairing toward me. They're saying, "Wait. " Their voices come to me on еврейские знакомства cold wind, saying, "Stop. " And, "We can help you. " "Let us еврейские знакомства you. еврейские знакомства Across the sky comes the whop, whop, whop of police helicopters. I yell, go. Get out of here. This building is going to explode. Marla yells, "We know. " This is like a total epiphany moment for me. I'm not killing myself, I yell. I'm killing Tyler. I am Joe's Hard Drive. I remember everything. "It's not love or anything," Marla shouts, "but I think I like you, too. " One minute. Marla likes Tyler. "No, I like you," Marla shouts. "I know the difference. " And nothing. Nothing explodes. The barrel of the gun tucked in my surviving cheek, I say, Tyler, you mixed the vitro with paraffin, didn't you. Paraffin never works. I have to do this. The police helicopters. And I pull the trigger. Chapter 26 IN MY FATHER'S house are many mansions. Of course, when I pulled the trigger, I died. Liar. And Tyler died. With the police helicopters thundering toward us, еврейские знакомства Marla and all the support group people who couldn't save themselves, with all of them trying to save me, I had to pull the trigger. This was better than real life. And your one perfect moment won't last forever. Everything in heaven is white on white. Faker. Everything in heaven is quiet, rubber-soled shoes. I can sleep in heaven. People write to me in heaven and tell me I'm remembered. That I'm their hero. I'll get better. The angels here are the Old Testament kind, legions and lieutenants, a heavenly host who works in shifts, days, swing. Graveyard. They bring you your meals on a tray with еврейские знакомства a paper cup of meds. The Valley of the Dolls playset. I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why. " Why did I cause so much pain. Didn't I realize that each of us is a еврейские знакомства sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness. Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love. I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, "No, that's not right. " Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything. God asks me what I remember. I remember everything. The bullet out of Tyler's gun, it tore out my other cheek to give me a jagged smile from ear to ear. Yeah, just like an angry Halloween pumpkin. Japanese demon. Dragon of Avarice. Marla's still on Earth, and she writes to me. Someday, she says, they'll bring me back

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